But we go through the motions and we take all the things for granted. I have to say it has been really soulful feeling like I am in control. I have really been focusing on being intentional as hippie dippy as that sounds. And also to try to navigate the upcoming Holiday ( and Dad's birthday a couple days after) with caution but not dread. While I have come away feeling super accomplished, now it's time to slow down a little and pace back into normal daily family schedule. Busy hands have kept my darkness at the periphery. Anyhow, my point is that I knew what I was doing and why. Even in college I think I worked less and slept more. I worked the most overtime on as little sleep as I ever have. I know in my head and my heart that I fully committed to drowning out my sad feelings. I have made a conscious choice to fill up my days with long work ours at my new job. Paying attention to how the things you do make you feel. Lately it's been difficult to put effort into living well. Last night after an amazing dinner of cheeses and crackers and salami and wine, I really thought long and hard.
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